You see the signs and it has you a little worried. Your panties or other clothes have been moved around and not where you put them. Maybe your makeup is out of place. Your favorite tube of lipstick is used a little more than you recall. Somebody has been using it, and it could only be one person.
It's your husband or boyfriend. You are confused and not feeling very comfortable with this. You want to know why he is doing it. Is he gay? Is he some kind of pervert? Is there something wrong with him? You love him and want to talk to him about this, but you're not sure how to handle it.
The fact that you are online looking this up before you start getting upset with him is further proof that you want to understand him. Why is he compelled to dress up in your clothes when you aren't around? The answer to the third question is there is nothing wrong with him. Many men out there do the same thing.
It doesn't make him a pervert either, although there is a certain degree of sexual pleasure derived from putting on women's clothes for some men. And this is the category many of these men fall under. It's a turn on to them, the way the clothes feel on them. The fact that they shouldn't be wearing them.
Some men actually want to go out dressed up and be as feminine as they can be. There may still be a turn on factor, but they want to be seen in public expressing their feminine side. Some have deeper gender issues and may actually have Gender Dysphoria, feeling as if their birth gender doesn't match the gender in their mind. This leads to the desire to fully transition.
Your significant other probably dressed up when he was a child or some time before you met him. He probably started with his mother or sister's clothes. He did the same thing then, dressing up when nobody was home. He also dealt with the shame and guilt of it all.
One way that manifested is by him "purging" his collection of women's clothes or throwing them all out. He wants to make it all go away, and some have thrown out $100's or even $1000's worth of clothes in the hopes that it will all go away. The desire to dress up usually comes back, stronger than ever.
So, he has likely had these same issues. He met you and didn't think you would understand. It's hard for a woman to understand this. He obviously loves you too much to upset you, so in his mind dressing behind your back will spare you the pain. However, he may be subconsciously wanting you to find out so you both can talk about it.
That takes us to where we are now. You are reading this and wondering is there something wrong with him? Is there something wrong with you? The answer to both questions is no. But now that you know, it's time to have a talk with him about this. He needs this as much as you do.
The best way to proceed is to lay the facts out on the table in a non judgmental fashion. The only thing expected in this conversation is honesty. His first step is admitting it to you and then explaining why he dresses up. Many closeted cross dressers would like nothing more than to dress up with their wife or girlfriend.
Just listen, but expect honesty from him. You are owed honesty. How you deal with it is up to you. What it does to your relationship is up to both of you. Chances are that he will want to dress more often now that you know this. Can you deal with that? It's been known to bring couples closer together and destroy relationships too.
You may tell him not to dress up in your presence. But you need to be wary of one thing. If he's not sharing his dress up time with you, he'll likely look elsewhere for companionship during his "girl" time. It's a very distinct possibility. Many closeted CD's are doing that already, and the deeper they go, the more secrets they will keep.
This is not the case for everyone, but for many. And, who does he want to spend time with behind your back? Another woman? A Femdom Mistress perhaps? You can do some research online to see what that means and decide how you feel about it. In some relationships, the woman will take the lead as he gets more into cross dressing, but not all relationships. For some it's an intimate game they play behind closed doors.
Is he seeing other men? It's a perfectly natural desire for some who dress up to fantasize about being with a man at some point. Some will actually do it, while others will just think about it and don't want to do it. So, it's a perfectly natural question to ask if he has been with somebody else while dressed. Expect honesty here.
The compulsion for companionship while dressed has to do with being accepted. It is a betrayal of the vows to do this, at least in a sexual nature, behind your back. Some will merely go to support groups or gatherings of a non sexual nature as a way to deal with the urges to dress up.
So, have you been doing this behind my back, for how long, why didn't you tell me and have you been with anybody are all fair questions. It's important to get the information out there in a non judgemental nature and think about what was said. You can and should say how you feel about what he said, but give it a day or two to have the bigger talk. Think about how you are feeling.
Him dressing up in private behind your back is not the worst thing in the world if you have a good and loving relationship. It's been hard for him to deal with this too, and he's probably fought it for years. He might even become a more loving and devoted husband to you if you accept it.
Now that you know what's happening, it's up to you how to deal with it. Don't give in to what "society" expects you to do, but listen to your own heart and go with that. While you may want to end it, you may find that having a cross dressing significant other is not the worst thing in the world to have. Whatever you decide, I hope it results in happiness for years to come.
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