Guilt And Shame Will Haunt Many Crossdressers And Sissies

You see it on TV and in the movies.  People who are in the T spectrum, from CD all the way to transgender, are the butt of the jokes.  Their identity is mocked and ridiculed as if they have no value whatsoever.  Well, I'm here to tell you that is total BS, but it's what some people think.

You get it from religion too.  You are going to "hell" if you are transgender or gay.  Really, and you know such a place exists for sure and exactly who is going?  You know so much, don't you?  Look around sweetheart, we're not exactly in a paradise right now.  In fact, to some in the T community, this is hell on earth.

So, the judgements from religion spill over into the mainstream and that hate is thrown by non religious people as a result.  Then you get the mockery from the TV and movie industry and even some in the media.

What follows is guilt and shame in the Trans Community.  "There must be something wrong with me" is a common thought.  "I'm a bad person and I'm going to hell" or "I'm a freak" are common thoughts too.  It ads up to the feelings of guilt and shame that some feel.  They are very conflicted about all of this and fight a constant inner battle.

So, the judgement of others only feeds into this, causing many to hide this side of themselves away in order to be accepted as a "normal" person.  They want it to go away, but it won't.  He may be in his room just imagining being dressed as a woman or even being a woman.  This turns him on and he pleasures himself.  Immediately, guilt sets in and those three words, "Am I gay?"

It's crucial to understand at this point that being gay is not a bad thing.  If you are gay, that's only one part of you anyway.  So, you want to be with somebody of the same gender?  Go find the love that you seek and live your life.  This is why the T is in LGBT.  In reality, many who transition and date as they are transitioning don't consider themselves gay.  They are women born in the wrong body.

To a CD, however, this is a real head screwing.  Maybe this person graduated from thinking about it to wearing the clothes in private.  So, they get pleasure from it, sexual, spiritual or whatever.  Then, guilt moves in and they have to make it go away.  They end up throwing those clothes away and swear they will never do it again.

And they try hard not to.  They intend to keep that promise and rid themselves of this so called "perversion" once and for all.  But, they can't help how they feel.  Being in touch with their feminine side or transitioning is not something they can deny.  The feelings never go away, and the urge to dress up comes back stronger. 

There is another part of this story that makes the struggle even harder.  The CD tries to bury this for his girlfriend or wife.  He does it for her at the cost of something dear to him.  He reasons he can do it because he loves her, and for a while that is the case.

Maybe the urges start when he's looking at her in a pretty outfit or when she's dressing up and putting on new lingerie.  His own urge to dress up pretty resurfaces, but there's a problem .  What will she think about it?  He doesn't know what he'll do if he loses her over this.  Plus, what if she over reacts and starts telling everybody about him?

The internal struggle continues, but he reasons he will only dress up a little when she is gone.  He might play in her clothes if they fit, but he also knows that's a good way to get caught.  On some level, he wishes she would catch him and react in a way written in an erotica story, but he's heard the horror stories.

So, he buys some lingerie, maybe a dress or a skirt and blouse.  He has a place to stash the stuff.  He loves it more than ever, but this isn't satisfying his urge.  He wants to go out dressed up.  He wishes she would do this with him, but he's in too deep now.  He can't risk it.  He can't risk her leaving him.

So, he goes out for a makeover or is good enough at makeup to do it himself.  His inner girl is now on display in public for everybody to see.  Of course, this leads to more dishonesty, and the deeper he digs himself, the more likely it will be that she reacts badly when she finds out.

And, it all started with the guilt and shame one feels when dealing with all of this.  It's like a scale balancing back and forth between the guilt and shame and self acceptance.  It would be a refreshing change if the day came when this wasn't a big deal, and a husband could openly share this side of himself with the woman he loves.  Maybe one day we'll get there.