Babydoll Bonus Chapter: The Birth Of A Virtual Girl

 

Note: This scene actually takes place prior to where Babydoll begins. I wrote it after I finished the book and after writing most of the upcoming prequel, Becoming Babydoll.  For this to be added to a second edition of Babydoll, I'd need to write a few more chapters. Therefore, this chapter has remained unpublished until now.  

In Babydoll, Brandon sees the BABE Virtual Girlfriend program and is surprised at who she strongly resembles. Without giving away spoilers, this program will be a part of several chapters of the book. This chapter further explains things. I want to share it here.

Originally, when I was doing the "21 Days To A New Novel" approach in outlining this book, she was going to be a virtual girlfriend program that became sentient and alive. The story quickly evolved to what it became.

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Babydoll Bonus Chapter: The Birth Of A Virtual Girl

Brandon arrived at his hotel room for the computer programmer's convention. The flight was quick and uneventful, just the way he liked it. He was not a fan of flying, but it was a necessary evil from time to time.

As a graphics artist, he needed to attend events like these to find new jobs and brush up on the latest tech news. He already had a lead for a possible job that would pay well. He wasn't desperately in need of money, but he believed in being prepared just in case.

At the moment, he felt a deep longing. It was almost as if he was missing somebody very special to him. Brandon was alone. His parents were no longer alive, and he wasn't dating. He didn't date that much as it was, not that his best friend Jake didn't encourage him to date.

Jake was a bit of a partier, and he was always trying to set Brandon up on dates. Brandon used to party quite a bit, but he felt  there was more to life than getting high. He had moved on from that. Even though he felt like he and Jake didn't have much in common anymore, he still hung out with him.

The feeling he had was as intense as the bright full moon hanging way above the 15 story hotel. He gazed upon it, longing for something he didn't have. His soul ached in that moment of contemplation. Could he ever be happy? He had his doubts. Brandon thought about going to the bar for a drink, but he decided to relax and watch some TV.

"And that's when the transgender woman, born Donald Escobar, was attacked and beaten, " the female reporter said as she stood near an ally outside a seedy bar in town. "Escobar is in the hospital recovering with a severe concussion and a fractured jaw."

This was the kind of news item Brandon might hear without paying much attention before, but now it felt personal to him. A transgender woman was beaten outside a bar. Was she a sex worker or was this a date gone wrong? Did the attacker follow this woman outside the bar and attack her? More importantly, why was the news disrespecting her by talking about her as if she was a man? He didn't even hear her name mentioned in this report.

Could she ever be loved by anybody, he wondered? Could she love herself? What must it be like to be born and know that you are not the gender of the body you live in? He couldn't imagine the pain a person might go through in a society where most people don't understand and don't want to. This was his thought pattern as he drifted of to sleep once more. Tomorrow would be a busy day, but for now it was his time to sleep and dream.

In that special place, reality might be strange, but it doesn't seem so strange when you're in the moment. You take it all at face value, Occasionally, you apply your waking logic to the dream and come to the conclusion that you are in fact dreaming. Each night is a different adventure. Brandon liked to dream. It took him away from his sad reality. It brought him closer to... Her.

Brandon walked down a path. It was a dirt path, made smooth by heavy foot traffic. Trees stood on either side along the way. Up ahead in the distance was a little bridge over a creek. Beyond it was that special place he liked to visit. The little carnival. It wasn't so much that he liked carnivals. It was who was there waiting for him.

As Brandon walked, he could feel the slight breeze touching his face. It was a perfect day. He looked up in the sky, which was a pretty shade of blue. He looked ahead to a bench near the creek. A woman sat on the bench looking straight at him. She wore a red dress and sandals. Her blonde hair was flowing and her blue eyes were gazing longingly at him.

He knew her. Nothing was going to keep them apart as he ran towards her and swept her into his arms. "Babydoll, I missed you so much, " he said as he kissed her deeply.

She smiled at him. "You remember me?"

He frowned at her. "Remember you? How could you ask that, Babydoll?  You are my love, my soulmate. There is no woman in my life but you." He kissed her again.

Tears ran down her cheek. "You say that now Billy, but you'll forget me again."

"I will not, " he protested. "Never in a million years."

"It's okay, sweetie, " she reassured him. "You can't help it. This is just the way it is for now. Let's not worry about it. Do you want to have some fun, my little pussy boy, " she smiled playfully as she slapped his ass?

Brandon blushed. "Babydoll."

Vicki grinned. "I know what my baby likes."

Brandon leaned in and kissed her neck before whispering in her ear. "What makes you think I want that today, Babydoll. I think somebody needs to be put in her place today."

She reached down and squeezed his crotch. "Oh, you wanna give it to me daddy, " she stood in front of him, grinding her ass against his crotch. "Make me your woman, baby."

Brandon twirled her around, took her in his arms and kissed her deeply. "You already are my woman, Babydoll. You can't fight it."

She melted into his kiss. "Hmmm, who says I want to fight it?"

He took her by the hand and led her to the bridge. "As much as I want to play around right now, Babydoll, can we just talk?"

She squeezed his hand. "Of course. Is something on your mind?"

They were standing in the middle of the bridge, where it arched at it's highest point.  They watched the water coming towards the bridge and underneath it. "I don't know.  Something has been nagging me all week.  I came to this convention looking for more work, but there's something else.  Like this is important for some reason."

"Important how?  Do you know somebody there?"

He sighed. "That's just it. I don't. I have a good opportunity to create characters for this game, and I'm going to speak with them about that.  There's also this guy named Gregory.  I don't know."

Vicki stared at him. She knew she'd better get him to talk.  "Gregory?  Who is he?"

"That's just it.  I'm not really sure.  I Mean, we've communicated on a message board.  He's e-mailed me a couple times.  He does this thing called a chatbot.  It's nothing particularly special from what I've seen, but he thinks he's onto something.  He has done basic work, but I've seen nothing particularly special.  Others have done the same thing."

He paused. "Go on, " she insisted as she squeezed his hand. "Tell me why this matters to you?"

He laughed, "Gregory has actually opened up to me about being lonely and thinking he can create his own girlfriend with this thing, " he nervously laughed.  "It seems so crazy, but he's been asking me for help with graphics to make her more personal, but I..."

"You think this is just some crazy idea that won't go anywhere?"

He nodded.  "Exactly. It's just silly. Fake girlfriends when there are real ones out there."

Vickie pulled Brandon down to kiss him.  "Am I fake, Billy?"

He could feel her body pressing against his and he could taste her kiss.  "No, of course not."

She squeezed him as they hugged.  "But, what would they say to you if you told them about me in the waking world?"

Brandon knew the answer to that.  He didn't believe it himself.  She kissed him.  "Billy, do me a favor."

"Anything, Babydoll.  Anything for you."

The wheels were turning in her mind, though what she was thinking she did not say.  "Meet with Gregory and see what he's got going.  Just check it out."

"That's easy enough, " he replied. "We'll be meeting tonight.  If I know Gregory, he'll be doing most of the talking.  He's very passionate about this."

She kissed him again.  "Hmm, it's good to believe in what you do."

"I know." He held her hand and attempted to keep walking towards the carnival.

Babydoll stood the with an evil grin, pulling him back towards her.  "Where do you think you're going?"

"I thought we would go to the carnival, " he replied.

She shook her head, and pulled his hand down to the crotch area of her dress. "Later, Billy. We have to take care of something first."

"Babydoll, you don't have to..."

"Our love life is our business, and we give our bodies to each other completely, " she explained as she removed her dress to reveal a nice pair of breasts covered by a red lace and satin bra. She had a bulging pair of matching red panties.

He stood in awe of his beautiful girlfriend's body.  Her femininity was without question, but she had what most women don't have.  She still had a grin on her face.  "What are you staring at?  Get those pants off, Pussy Boy.  Let me show you how much I love you."

"I already know, " he nervously replied as he pulled off his pants and underwear.

She removed her panties to reveal her massive she cock.  "You need to get on your knees, baby.  I'm ready as you can see." She smirked. "On second thought, bend over the railing, and I'll take care of the rest."

He did as asked.  "You see, you may forget me, but you'll remember this, my little Pussy Boy."  Without much resistance, she entered him as he moaned. There was a slight pain.  "Yeah, that's right, my Pussy Boy. Take it all."

"Oh God, I love you Babydoll."

She was thrusting in and out steadily.  "You're mine, Billy.  You will always be mine.  I won't let you get away."

"Where am I going, " he moaned as he pushed back against her massive invader.  "I never want to leave you."

She leaned down and kissed his neck as she stayed hard inside him.  "Doesn't matter, baby.  I will track you down.  We will find a way to be together."

"I love you, Babydoll."

"Let me show you how much I love you, Billy, " she said as she picked up her pace. "Oh God, yes. You and me forever, my Pussy Boy."

"I'm cumming, " he moaned as he released his seed into the air in front of him, some of which went down to the water below.

"Of course you are, baby. I know you love it."

"I'm gay, " he let slip.

"No, you're not, " she moaned as she pushed in deeper.  "You're my boyfriend.  Do I look like a man to you?"

He turned his head to speak and was met by her kiss. "Take it all, Billy, " she said as she exploded inside of him."

It was like a tidal wave filling him up, and he could feel it inside him.  When she pulled out of him, he turned to take her in his arms and kiss her.  "We will, find a way, Babydoll.  I'm sorry I let you down."

She kissed him passionately.  "You didn't let me down.  We found each other, didn't we?"

The feeling was electric for Brandon.  He never wanted to leave her.  In that moment, he was snapped out of his dream by an alarm clock.  "Fuck, " he yelled as he threw the clock across the room.  He collapsed back on the bad, trying to remember every detail of the dream he just had.


They say that on the day following a Lucid Dream, you are generally in a good mood.  This was the case for Brandon.  His dream girl, Babydoll, had been visiting him in his dreams for most of his life. There were times when the dreams came more often than most.  Many dreams were just regular dreams, but she was still there.  The Lucid Dreams with her were the best.  This one was no exception.

The one thing that puzzled him about the dream was her calling him Billy.  She knew his name was Brandon.  She could call him Al, and he'd still love her, but why Billy?  Also, he wondered why he apologized to her at the end of the dream and said he let her down.  Let her down how?  It seemed to make sense when he said it, but now it made no sense at all.

Most of his dreams with her were fleeting, so he started doing a dream diary to remember the times he shared with her. Eventually, many of them just became words on the page in his waking life.  He had no memory of them at all.  What he found was that his memories were still there in his dreams, and they became more real to him in those Lucid Dreams.

Brandon had a successful meeting with the gaming people and would start working on graphic design for a massive multi player online fantasy game.  All that was left for the day was to meet Gregory at the bar down stairs.  It wasn't like he could forget it.  Gregory e-mailed him several times.  "Don't forget 7:00" "Are you still coming" and that sort of thing. He couldn't skip out on it.  Part of him felt sorry for the guy.

Gregory sat at a corner table in the bar.  He was a little bit on the heavy side, short black hair. Brandon walked over to him and Gregory stood up.  "You must be Brandon. I'm so glad you came.   Have a seat."

Brandon sat down as a waitress brought over a pitcher of beer and two mugs.  "I hope you don't mind.  I ordered some beer, " Gregory explained, adding with a nervous smile, "No reason to be all formal."

Brandon took a drink. "This is fine."

"Look, I know you are skeptical about this stuff, but I'm telling you, this is more than some chat bot."

Brandon nodded.  "Okay."

Gregory started shuffling through his papers.  "I mean, the first edition is sort of that, but Brandon, I have some things in the works that are gonna blow this out of the water." He handed him a few pieces of paper that had code and explanations on it that Brandon didn't quite grasp. "And, I'm talking with some guys over at this new company, Wes-Tek, that does artificial intelligence."

Brandon looked at the papers, and it was all going over his head.  He still had his doubts.  "Yeah, okay."

"Brandon, I'm telling you, this is going to be huge.  Right now, we're on the ground floor, bare bones.  The next version is gonna be ten times better, and in five years Brandon, I'm telling you..."

Brandon looked at Gregory as he explained all of this, and he could see the enthusiasm.  "You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?"

"Only every day and night, " Gregory bragged as he took a big drink.  "I need to come up with a name for her, like BABE or something, I don't know, but she's incredible.  You know that movie that came out a few years ago, The 6th Day?"

Brandon nodded.  "Yeah, another one of Arnold's movies.  I saw it."

"So, you know about the hologram girlfriend his best friend had?  Brandon, that's where we're going with this stuff.  Eventually, you can have a relationship with artificial intelligence. Think about it."

Brandon downed his beer and poured another one.  "Gregory, don't take this the wrong way, but shouldn't you just go out and meet a woman?"  The question didn't seem hypocritical to Brandon, who wasn't dating mainly because he didn't want to cheat on Babydoll.

Gregory looked away.  "It's not that easy for everybody Brandon.  You don't understand."

Brandon shook his head. "I didn't say I didn't understand. I understand perfectly."

"This is just a start, " the chatbot creator almost pleaded with him.  "A friendly conversation for a lonely person."

Brandon looked Gregory in the eyes.  "So, do you have a special girlfriend program of your own?"

Gregory blushed. "I um, well..."

"It's okay, Gregory.  I wouldn't expect anything different."

Gregory shuffled through his papers.  "So, you'll help me?"

"I, um, " Brandon could hear Babydoll telling him this was the right thing to do for some reason, but the rest of his mind was saying to walk away.

"The thing is, " Gregory hesitated for a moment.  "This is my own company.  You do great work, so I will cut you in on 50% of the profit.  It will be you and me at the start of this.  I can't pay much now, but..."

Brandon sighed and took a drink.  "Okay, Gregory.  I'll need you to send me a working program, and I'll start designing some female avatars for it."

"Males too.  There are lonely women out there, " Gregory added with a smile.  "We can't leave them out."

"Maybe you could actually meet one of them women instead, " Brandon thought.  "When can you send me a demo?"

"It won't be long, " he replied.  "What I'm using now is a two dimensional picture. Basically, a woman with movable mouth and blinking eyes in various poses.  But, we'll get this to the next level where she is walking around on the screen and who knows what."

Brandon took another drink and filled another glass.  Gregory noticed the empty picture.  "Oh, let me get that.  We're celebrating now.  We can't celebrate without beer."  He motioned to the waitress.

"So, do you like Star Trek?" Gregory asked?

The evening was a blur.  Brandon drank quite a bit.  He appeared to be at the bar on a bar stool now, next to Gregory.  He was going through the motions.  The digital clock seemed to be malfunctioning as he could not read the numbers.  The TV seemed to fade in and out.  When he focused on it, the picture cleared up to show a football game with teams wearing uniforms he didn't recognize.  The official was dressed as a clown.

The bar lights were flickering on and off, but the people didn't seem to notice or care.  "I'm telling you, reality is only what it is because we accept it as such, " Gregory said.

"So, you can make your own girlfriend in your own reality, " Brandon replied.

"Exactly.  Everybody should have a happy reality, " Gregory looked at the TV.  "Did Peperidge Farms just score a home run?"

A blonde haired woman in a black dress and four inch heels walked into the room and approached Brandon, kissing him on the cheek.  "Hi Babydoll, " he said almost roboticly.

"I see you're out of it again, " she said with a smile.

"I was there yesterday, " he replied, "but the lines were too long."

"Who is your friend, " she asked as she looked at the portly man sitting next to Brandon?

"That's Gregory, " Brandon took a drink of beer. "He's making his own girlfriend."

Gregory slapped Brandon's shoulder.  He seemed to be a bit more alert than his new friend.  "Brandon, don't say it like that."

Vicki kissed Brandon again.  "Sweetie, do you mind if I talk to Gregory for a bit?"

"Bring me back a hot dog, " was his response.

"Oh, I'll give you a hot dog, " she replied with a giggle.  She took Gregory's hand. "Sweetie, may I have a few words with you?"

At her touch, Gregory's mind cleared up.  "You...  You want to talk to me?  But, you're so beautiful."

"Aw, beautiful?  You're sweet, " she took his hand and led him out of the bar. "Let's talk."

Gregory couldn't help but admire the beautiful woman.  When she looked at him with her pretty blue eyes, he felt like they could see through to his soul.  "What do you want to talk about?"

"Well, for starters, Billy tells me you are into chatbots?"

Gregory was confused. "Billy, who's Billy?"

Vicki smiled.  "I'm sorry, Brandon tells me you create chatbots."

"Oh, they are more that just chatbots, Miss?"

"Call me Vicki."

"Vicki, these are virtual companions.  They remember what you talk about.  It's still an evolving thing, but they grow and become smarter.  You can build a relationship with them."

"Interesting. So, you design these virtual creatures?"

Gregory nodded proudly. "Yes, I do.  It's a lot of code."

Vickie thought for a moment.  "Did you ever wonder if maybe a soul could enter one of your chatbots and make it even more real to the person talking to it?"

Gregory stared at this beautiful woman in fascination. "You know, I never thought about that, but now that you mention it..."

"Do you think it's possible, " she interrupted?

"There's a saying that if you can envision something, it is possible.  Maybe there's code that could be created that could make it possible for a soul to enter one of my creations, but I don't know what that code would be.  Geeze, it could be enormous.  Maybe there's a book that talks about it, but I can't imagine where."

Vicki paused for a moment, thinking about the mystical library within the carnival at which she resided.  "Interesting.  I'll have to look into that.  Gregory, would you mind if I paid you a visit again some time."

He blushed.  "Mind? I'd welcome it.  In fact, if you wanted to just hang out or something..."

She kissed him on the forehead.  "You're sweet, but I have a boyfriend."

"Oh, " he replied in disappointment.

"Sweetie, put yourself out there, and you'll find the one for you.  That's how love works.  There's someone for everybody."

"I guess, " he replied in doubt.

Vicki looked over at a tall brunette woman who was starting at Gregory.  "Trust me.  I will speak to you soon."

"How will I find you?"

She winked at him.  "I'll find you."

Vicki walked over to the brunette.  "My friend Gregory over there thinks you're cute and would like to meet you."

She smiled. "Really?"

"Yes, " she replied.  "You should go talk to him.  He's a real nice guy."

Vicki walked into the darkness and reemerged at the carnival.  She walked the midway and past the games.  The Great Esmerelda was doing a reading for a woman.  She looked up as Vicki walked by and watched her for a moment.  She was headed for the library room, two doors down from her own bedroom. She noticed Brandon off in the distance, watching the laughing children on the Merry Go Ground.

She walked up to him without him noticing.  "Are you following me." she asked as she kissed him on the back of the neck.

He turned around.  "Should I be?  Are you up to no good?"

She touched his arm.  "That depends"

The dream clarity wasn't what it was a night earlier, but Brandon was aware of where he was and with whom he was speaking.  "So, what are you up to?  Did you have a good talk with Gregory?"

"Yes, I did, " she replied.  "It was enlightening.  I need to do some research."

"Anything I can help you with?"

Vicki laughed.  "Hmm... I'm sure there is something you can help me with.

"Didn't you get enough last night, " he smiled?

"Never."

"Well, that's too bad, because I have to put you in your place, Babydoll."

She kissed him. "It doesn't matter, because you will always be my Pussy Boy."

He pushed her up against a tree. "And, you will always be my Babydoll.  Oh, and I've got something for you, Babydoll."

She took his hand and led him back to her room.  "Good, because I need it now."

She led him to the room and shut the door behind them, pushing him against the door as they kissed. She removed his shirt and started kissing his body.  "Lower, Babydoll."

"Patience, " she replied as she kissed his naval.  She undid his belt and his pants fell to the floor.  His bulge was noticeable as she removed his underwear.  "For me?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full, Babydoll."  She took his manhood into her mouth. "Good girl."

"Baby, I have to have you inside me, " she said lustfully as she stood up and removed her black dress, revealing a black lace satin bra and matching panties.  He stepped over and removed her bra, licking her breasts.  She pulled him down on the bed on top of her and then rolled on top of him.

Soon, Vicki was mounting him as she felt every inch of him enter her eager t-girl pussy.  "Now, I have you where I want you."

"You are a Goddess to me, Babydoll."

She squeezed his cock inside of her. "Still think you're gay?"

"I think I'm in love, " he relied."

She bounced up and down on his hard shaft as her breasts bounced in the air. "You'd better know it, baby."

I'm about ready to show it, " he moaned.

She leaned down to lay on top of him with his cock inserted inside of her. "Please do.  Fill me up, daddy."

She went back to bouncing up and down on him and gently stoking her hard clitty.  "I'm gonna spray all over you, baby."

"Wait until I cum, Babydoll. Let's do it together."

Babydoll never broke eye contact as she rode him deep. "Oh God, now Babydoll, " he grunted as he began to shoot his load inside her eager love hole.  In an instant, she began spraying her love juices over his chest before collapsing on top of him.

"I wish this moment would never end, " she said as she kissed him.

"Me too, " Babydoll. "Me too."

Again, the alarm went off.  It was time for Brandon to wake up and catch his flight back home.

Darlene's Ideal Lover

 Darlene's Ideal Lover (Be My Bottom)

 

Joe was a school teacher. He taught first grade. He enjoyed teaching, and he was exactly the kind of person fit to teach kids that young. He had patience, and he had a way to get the best out of even the most unruly children.

He was single and didn't have much of a love life. He lived a quiet life at home. There was a local coffee shop that he enjoyed frequenting on the way to work, and he also enjoyed attending the occasional baseball game. Though he wasn't the most athletic man, he kept himself in reasonably good shape.

It just so happened that he was doing parent and teacher conferences when he met her. Her name was Darlene. She was an attractive brunette woman. She dressed conservatively, but she had certain assets that he couldn't help but notice. She had an impressive bust line and a beautiful smile.

They were discussing her son Devon. "And he's the most helpful student in class, " Joe explained. "He'll get done with his work and help the other students."

"That's my boy, " she smiled proudly. "He's so well behaved around the house too. Sometimes I worry. Is that normal for a boy his age?"

"Well, I find that most young boys have a lot of energy, but some of them save it for the playground. From what I've seen, he's always out there running around or climbing on the jungle gym."

"Is he getting along with the other kids, " she asked?

"From what I see, he's one of the most popular kids in his class." He paused in thought. "I don't recall him ever getting into a fight with anybody. In fact, I've seen him break up a few fights."

She smiled. "That's a relief. You know, being single and everything, I worry about him not growing up with a father."

"I can't believe you're single, " Joe was surprised he said that. This was a conference, not a time to be flirting, he thought to himself.

She smiled. "The problem is I don't have time. I keep so busy at work. I never have time to meet anybody."

"Well if you want, " the voice in Joe's head was warning him not to say what he was about to say, but he did it anyway. "Maybe you might want to have a cup of coffee with me sometime?"

"I don't know, " she had a glint in her eye. "Maybe I shouldn't be dating my son's teacher."

Joe began to blush. "Well, I wasn't saying it was a date or anything, I mean, I just thought that maybe."

She giggled flirtatiously. "Okay, what the heck. Let's have coffee sometime."

"Great, how about Jamie's Coffee House around the corner?"

"Sounds good to me." She looked in her purse for her schedule book. "Oh hey, I have free time tomorrow morning? Can we do it then?"

Joe thought maybe he should pinch himself. Things were working out perfectly. "Tomorrow it is. I'll see you then."

It was one of those nights where Joe had to take home papers to grade. He was having a hard time focusing. He couldn't help but think about Darlene. She had the most beautiful blue eyes, and that smile. "I wonder if she would consider dating me, " he caught himself thinking. "Oh, you're being foolish. A woman that pretty has better guys than you after her attention."

The morning couldn't come soon enough. Joe arrived at the coffee house to see Darlene already sitting at a table. She was wearing a nice pair of jeans and a burgundy blouse. She walked over to him. "Hi there. I was afraid you were going to stand me up."

Joe shook his head. "Not a chance. Shall we order something?"

"Absolutely. I didn't want to get anything until you showed up."

They brought their coffee to a table at the far end. Joe took a careful sip as his coffee was very hot "So, if you don't mind me asking, what do you do?"

She took a sip of her coffee, leaving a trace of her Pink Champagne lipstick on the cup. "I'm in Tech. I set up computer systems, surveillance the whole nine yards."

"That sounds interesting."

She smiled. "It keeps me busy. Of course, being a single parent means I don't have time to take some of the bigger jobs I used to. But that's okay. We do okay."

Joe took a nibble of a cookie. "I hope I'm not being too forward in asking, but what happened to Devin's father?"

Darlene paused for a moment, as if she didn't expect the question and wasn't sure what to say. "Oh, well, she, I mean, he passed away three years ago. So, I decided that I needed to be there more for him and not to take on jobs that would take me out of town. There's a couple of accounts I keep, but most of the time I go to my office job and make it back home that evening. I have a good babysitter, so it works out."

"Still, it must be difficult."

"I manage." She took another sip of coffee. "So, how do you like being a teacher? Seems to me that it could be challenging having to put up with so many children."

He shook his head. "Not at all. Children are easy. Every once in awhile, you'll get one who acts up, but they're pretty well-behaved."

"I don't know." She looked at him with a hint of admiration in her eyes. "I think one child can be a handful. You have a classroom of 20."

He Shrugged. "I like kids. Unfortunately, I don't have any of my own, but being able to teach them and help prepare them for the future is the next best thing."

They had a pleasant conversation and talked briefly about things that they like, music, entertainment. Basic small talk, but they found that they had similar interests. Before Joe knew it, he was off to work and she was off to do her thing.

When he arrived in the classroom, he realized that didn't ask her on a date. This was something he really wanted to do.

Joe went a few days without seeing Darlene. He did have her phone number, but he felt like it might be inappropriate to call her. She didn't say anything about wanting to date him, and he worried about things like sexual harassment. He had taken the sensitivity classes that were mandatory among the school staff.

He still couldn't get her out of his mind. It was five days later when he happened to run into her at the grocery store. She was dressed casually. She wore a cute red top that didn't leave a lot to the imagination and a tight pair of shorts.

Boldly, he walked over her. "Oh, hey you. Fancy meeting you here. Do you come here often?"

She laughed. "Only when I run out of food. How you doing sweetie?"

"I'm fine. How about yourself? I've been thinking about you."

"I'm okay. Just busy with work. I had a really big job offer." She frowned. "Unfortunately, I can't take it. It would be really good money too. The kind of money where Devon and I could even move to a nicer house."

"Why can't you take it?"

"It would require me to be gone for a couple of weeks out of the year, maybe more. I won't leave Devon for that lomg, even though I trust the babysitter. I swore to his... I swore that I wouldn't neglect him for work, and I intend to keep that promise."

Not really thinking about what he was doing, Joe put his hand on hers on the shopping cart. "I'm so sorry. I wish I could help."

"Anyway, I should get my stuff and go. Nice seeing you again." She moved on. Joe felt like he needed to say it now or the opportunity would get away from him. He didn't get everything that he needed, but he made sure he was in a line next to hers. They both left at about the same time.

Joe approached Darlene at her car. "I hope I'm not being too forward, but I have something I really need to tell you. It's just that..."

"Joe, don't, " she interrupted. "Please."

"Just let me say this. Darlene, I like you a lot. And I think maybe we could be good friends. Maybe more than that, but."

She frowned. "Joe, I have to tell you something, and I know you might not like it."

"You can be honest with me. I'll understand."

"It's just that I don't think you'll like it, but you need to know so you can move on with your life."

Joe was worried. "You make it sound like you don't ever want to see me again, " he remarked with a little bit of fear in his voice.

She shook her head. "No, that's not it. It's just that." She paused, very nervous about what she was about to say. "And please, can you keep what I say between you and I?"

He took her hand. "Darlene, you can tell me anything. I'm your friend. I'm not going to tell anybody."

"Joe, I'm a transsexual."

There was surprise in his eyes. "Really? Amazing. I never would have known that, you're so. You're so beautiful and I'm. I'm sorry I said that, I mean it's not like..."

She smiled. "Thank you sweetie. You really know how to make a girl feel good. But..."

"Darlene, I really don't care. I like you, and I want to see you more. And..."

"There's more. Joe, I. Well, there's a lot of transgender women who, will they don't like to."

"I told you that you can tell me anything, Darlene. Go ahead. You can trust me."

"Well, I. I have my, you know, penis. And, I like to use it and. I prefer to. I don't know how much you know the terminology, but I like to top."

"Top, " he asked confused? "Do you mean you?"

She smiled and blushed at the same time. "It means I like to use it on my partner. I. Well, my wife never had any complaints, and the couple of men that I dated, they didn't seem to mind, but I feel you should know."

Joe was intrigued at the idea, but societal conditioning won out in the moment. "Oh, " he said. "Well, thank you for telling me." He turned and walked back to his car.

Darlene watched him walk away with a hint of sadness in her eyes. She actually found Joe to be quite attractive and had hoped that he would react differently when she told him the news.

Joe had a million thoughts racing through his mind as he drove home. "She wants to fuck me? I'm not gay. No way. How would that even work?"

The thoughts didn't go away even a few days later. All he could think about was how beautiful she was and how much they had in common and how happy he felt in her presence. So, why was this a problem?

As another week went by, Joe started wondering how it would feel to be anally penetrated. He resolved to go to the adult store and get a dildo. He had to know.

Nervously, he walked into the store and in a roundabout way to the dildo section. He felt awkward standing there, so he headed to the adult DVD section and looked around for a while. There were videos with transsexual women and he noticed their penises were blacked out on the cover. They looked gorgeous.

He strolled around the store, looking until a female clerk approached him. "Can I help you?"

He blushed. "Oh, well, I'm kind of curious, I mean, I want to maybe get a, a toy."

She giggled. "A toy? Do you mean a dildo?"

He nodded.

"No need to be ashamed. This is exactly what we're here for. I think we have just what you're looking for." She led him to the dildo section and picked out a modest six inch dildo. "This one vibrates too. Do you have any lube?"

"Lube? I have Vaseline and home."

She shook her head. "No, you need something better than that. Here, " she handed him some lube from another shelf. "This will be better. You want to be nice and loose down there. It will feel better for you, trust me. I know it helped me."

He looked at her for a moment. She grinned. "Well, come on. Gay guys aren't the only ones who like anal."

He blushed. "I'm not gay. It's just this woman that I met, I mean, well I think I might have blown it with her, but."

"Relax sweetie. Here, let me ring you up. Unless there's anything else you want to get? Maybe one of those transsexual DVDs you were looking at?" She was teasing him.

"Well, I don't know, but."

"Sweetie, if you're curious, I've had a couple of guys rave about Shemale Ass Bandits 3. It has Vivian Fox in it. She's so sweet. I'd let her do me too."

He thought for a minute. "What the heck, I'll get that too."

Joe found that his heart was racing as he walked out of the store. It was like he had done something against the law, which wasn't the case. He took his lube and DVD and new toy and headed back home.

He didn't wait. He pulled the DVD out of the wrapper and put it in the player. The dildo was next. He forgot to get batteries, but he had some size C batteries laying around. Soon, the DVD was playing. There was a white guy sucking the penis of a rather attractive Brazilian transsexual woman. She had an impressive seven inch cock, and the man was going to town on it with his mouth.

The man was smooth all over his body, but Joe was not. He also had a slight tummy. Not too big, but certainly not as fit as the guy on the screen. He was fixated on her cock. "Can I suck her cock, " he wondered as he watched?

He took the dildo and started licking the head. Then he opened his mouth and started sucking on it. Soon, he was trying to take it as deep as the guy on the TV screen and he gagged. He felt embarrassed by what he had done. With a tinge of guilt, Joe put the dildo back in the bag and stopped the DVD.

 
It was a night when Devon was at his grandmothers. Darlene had done a job for somebody she wasn't too fond of. The pay was okay, but his wife was a bitch. She was barking out orders and generally being too demanding. But, it was one of the best paying gigs she had. Inevitably somebody would do something stupid with the computers, and she would have to come in there and fix it.

She went to the Sam's Lounge to have a few drinks that night. She felt like glamming it up just a little bit, though she knew picking up guys was a bit risky. She just wanted to go out and flirt a little bit. She wore her sexy red dress and did her makeup up in a flirty style.

Darlene needed it badly. She really wanted to take out her aggression on a nice tight ass, but she doubted she would find a willing man. As expected, guys were buying her drinks all night. There was even a couple of women flirting with her. One blonde woman in particular was practically throwing herself at her.

"You should come home with me, " the woman said.

"Really, " Darlene smiled? "Why should I do that?"

She leaned over to her and and rubbed her back. "Because you and I could have a really good time together sweetie."

"You think so?" Darlene was curious.

"I know so baby. I could lay you on the bed and stick my tongue in that sweet pussy of yours. I'd have you quivering in delight."

"Really, " Darlene said, getting an idea in her head.

"Yes really. We should go. I have alcohol at home. We can take the party back there. Get nice and intimate." She brazenly kissed Darlene.

"What if I had something else?"

"What do you mean something else," thew woman asked in confusion? "Come home with me, baby."

"What if I had a cock, sweetie? Would you be okay with me taking you to bed and fucking you like a rabbit?"

The woman stopped and looked at Darlene for a moment, trying to figure out what was being said. She looked surprised and then started to laugh. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about what if I had a cock? What if I bent you over your couch the minute we got home and fucked you up the ass? Would you like that too?"

The woman laughed. "You don't have a cock. Come on. You don't." She paused for a minute. "I need to go to the little girl's room." She kissed her. "Don't you go anywhere, sweetie."

Darlene thought for a moment. The lady was attractive, and she liked the idea of taking her to the bedroom, but she doubted the woman was ready for what she had. She didn't want to cause a scene. She finished her drink and paid her tab and headed out the door.

As she walked out the door, a man noticed her and stood watching her for a moment as she walked to her car. "Darlene, " he called her.

She looked back. She squinted as she looked at the guy. It looked like Bill Anderson. Bill ran a company that ran surveillance. They traveled all over the world. They might be checking on a spouse cheating on their significant other. They might be looking into somebody who engaged in suspicious activities such as embezzlement or plotting an act of terrorism. They made really good money.

"You, " he said with a smile as he walked up. "Darlene, why won't you work for me?"

"I told you dear, I can't work for you. I can't be away from my little boy. I made a promise."

"Come on, there's good nannies out there." He looked at her. "God, I miss you. The guy we've got doing our tech right now sucks compared to you."

"Well, I am the best, " she said confidently. "But that's not why you miss me now, is it dear?"

"What? What do you mean, " he asked, knowing fully well what she meant.

"Do I have to spell it out for you, dear?"

"I'm just asking what you mean. Darlene, I need you to come out to Florida and check out a few things for me. We got this job we're getting ready to do for a guy in Switzerland. I'm telling you, it's a big deal. I can't say much, but I really need your expertise."

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I know. I know what you really need, but I want to hear you say it."

"Come on, Darlene."

She put the key in the door of her car. "Nice seeing you again, Bill."

"I need you to bend me over and fuck me like a little pussy boy. I need you to make me your bitch. Please, Darlene."

She smiled proudly. "There. Now, was that so hard, dear?" She kissed him. "But. I can't take your job offer, Bill. I can't leave Devon. I made a promise to his mother."

He frowned. "I know. I wish I could move you into my house. I'd give you guys a good home."

She laughed. "Yeah, and what would Helen say about that?"

"I guess I hadn't thought about that, but I'd think of something. She could take care of that monster of yours too."

She laughed. "Helen's up tight sweetie. If you told her what was going on between you and I, you'd be losing half your company right now."

"I know you're right." He looked around. "Hey, what do you say we do something crazy?"

"Like what?"

"What do you say we go off behind those bushes and I give you something to remember me by?"

Darlene laughed. "Yeah. What do you say I just bend you over the hood of my car and go to town on that tight ass of yours?"

"Darlene, everybody would see. Come on now. Let's go behind the bushes."

"Yeah, everybody would see what a little pussy boy you are. But you are one, aren't you?"

He nodded. "I am. I'm your little pussy boy. God, I can't stop thinking about you. I want to suck it."

She looked around. "Okay, behind the bushes. Let's go."

They stood behind the bushes. "Okay, get on your knees. Mama has something you've been missing."

"That monster she cock of yours, " he asked as he got on his knees?

She lifted up her dress with her little bit extra tucked between her legs still. She pulled down her red panties and removed them, handing them to him. "Here you go, sweetie, I want you to do something for me."

"What? Anything."

"Take off your pants."

"Here?"

"Right here, right now." She smiled. "Take off your pants."

He removed his pants, and the bulge in his underwear was obvious. "Now what?"

"Take off your underwear and put on those panties."

"I can't wear panties, " he complained.

"You can and you will, " she insisted. "That is if you want a taste of my sweet candy."

He removed his underwear and she stood behind him, poking him in his rear end. "When's the last time you had it?"

"The last time I was with you, " he frowned. "What's it been, three years?"

"You mean you haven't had your wife buy a strap-on yet?"

"I can't do that, " he said as he faced her. "She would never go for it."

"Reach down and grab it sweetie, grab what you want."

He reached down and took her monster she cock in his hand. He looked at her. "I want to suck it for you. And I want you to cum in my mouth."

She laughed. "Well, of course I'm going to cum in your mouth, and you're going to swallow it like a good little bitch. You always were a good little bitch, weren't you?"

"Yes, I'm a good little bitch."

"We both know why you really want me to come back there. It's not because I can fix your silly equipment. It's because my sexy equipment is just what's needed to fix you, isn't it?"

"Oh God, I missed you so much." He started sucking her cock and trying not to break eye contact. He was thinking about how it would feel inside his ass again.

"Sweetie, bring up the subject with Helen."

"What subject?"

"Don't play that game with me, " she smiled. "Talk to her about getting a strap-on and bending you over the kitchen table. All over the house. Tell her you want to be her bitch."

He shook his head. "She'd never go for it. No way in hell."

"Do yourself a favor, " she insisted. "Just ask her. Figure out a way to do it subtly, then ask her. You're begging for this, and you never know with some women."

 "I'll think about it."

"Will think about it while you're sucking my cock. Submit to my superior cock."

He was on his knees with her cock in his mouth. There was a desperation in how he was doing it as he greedily sucked her. "Slow down, sweetie. Take your time. Savor this."

"God, I need you to come back and work for me again."

She laughed. "Less talking, more sucking. Come on sweetie. Show Mama that you know how she likes it."

He slowed his pace, taking care to lick her tip the way she liked it before going down deep and gagging as he tried to take as much of it in his mouth as he could. She laughed. "That's it, gag on it you little bitch. Gag on my cock."

He continued sucking. It had been a while since Darlene had anybody do this for her, and she was enjoying the experience. She was enjoying the control she had over the wealthy businessman. She also knew that he was the best client her business ever had.

He could taste her and that made him more desperate for her sexy reward. "Baby, I'm gonna cum." He hummed on her cock as he continued sucking it. "Baby, I want you to swallow it all."

She began gently thrusting as he continued sucking, and she put her hands on the sides of his head. He became her object. "Here it comes, oh God yes. Here you go baby, yeah."

She released spurt after spurt inside his eager mouth, and he greedily obeyed her command to swallow it all. He didn't stop until he was sure he had gotten it all.

She smiled. "Good boy." She looked at him. "You look cute in the panties. Why don't you go ahead and keep them to remember me by."

He picked up his pants and reached into his pocket handing her a card. "Consider my offer. I'm being serious. We could use your help."

 "Yeah, I don't know if I'd be able to do it."

"Think about it, darling. You know my money is good, and you'd be able to do things for that boy of yours. Start a college fund."

She took his card.

He put on his pants. "You know, I'm in town for a couple of days since I have some important meetings. Maybe you and I can hook up before I head back?"

She grinned. "Maybe. Let's get out of here before people notice us."

 
Joe went through another day of teaching the children at school and brought home papers to grade. All the while, he thought about what he had done the night before and why he had done it.

He thought about Darlene. Midway through grading the papers, his curiosity got the better of him and the DVD was back in the player again. He pulled out the toy and the lube.

The scene of the man sucking on the transsexual cock soon changed. She had her mouth in the man's ass. She was getting it ready for something, and Joe knew what that was. A few minutes later, she was pushing her cock at his rear passage and was soon fucking him from behind.

Joe's mouth was wide open in amazement. Was this gay? But that was a beautiful woman who happened to have a penis fucking a guy. The lines were blurred. Joe was very turned on by what he witnessed. He pulled out his penis and begin stroking it as he watched. The man on the screen appeared to enjoy what was happening, and the woman seemed very into it.

The scene played out for quite some time as they changed positions. Sometimes, she was stroking the man's cock, as she fucked him and other times he was stroking himself. Soon, he shot his load on his own stomach while she was fucking him. Soon after, she pulled out and shot her load on his face. Joe came hard.

He was embarrassed yet again and put everything up. He went back to grading the papers, but Darlene was on his mind again. Would he let her do this to him? She was adamant that she liked doing that to men. Joe knew that being with her meant that she would do that to him. After grading the papers, he went to bed, drifting off to a dream where he and Darlene were together kissing and making out. He just couldn't get her out of his mind.

After another day of school, Joe came back to the DVD. Vivian Fox was in the next scene, and she was a fox. A flirtatious, cute blond woman with a big cock. Teasing and verbally humiliating her man as he sucked her. Joe was incredibly turned on. This time, he reached for the lube.

As the scene played out, she was making the man beg her to fuck him. And the man begged her. The word play between the two as the scene went on was amazing. Joe had fingers of lube inside his tight hole, getting it very wet. Next came the dildo, which he set on a low vibrate. It hurt trying to push it in, and he spent a few minutes trying to get over the pain before finally succeeding.

He wasn't sure how to feel. It hurt. "Could I do this with Darlene?" But he persisted. Darlene enjoyed doing this to men, but the men must have enjoyed receiving it too, right? Was there pleasure? As he continued to insert the toy deeper, he got more comfortable. The pain gave way to pleasure. The scene on the screen showed Vivian Fox and the guy very much in the throes of passion and pleasure.

Joe felt strange. Did he have to pee? Was that an orgasm building up? He didn't know, but it felt strange and good at the same time. He slowly stroked himself as he sat on his dildo watching the scene on the screen.

The scene was filmed in Brazil, and sometimes they have bareback creampie scenes. Vivian Fox was famous for giving men creampies, but Joe had no way of knowing. He had only discovered transsexual porn with this DVD. As he slowly stroked himself and felt the pleasure, he was surprised when Vivian unloaded her seed inside the willing man's ass.

Soon, Joe was cumming all over the carpet In front of him. He could not deny that he enjoyed what he had just done. Now, he had to work it out in his mind as the shame tried to build up.

There was one thing that drove him back to these thoughts. Darlene. He was attracted to her. But he liked her. He still wanted to be with her, but he didn't know if he would see her. He didn't bump into her at the grocery store. He hadn't seen her anywhere. Though he had her phone number, he resisted making the call out of concern that he might be seen as harassing her.

Joe had it bad. His life consisted of him having his morning coffee at the coffeehouse, teaching his students, grading their papers and having more fun with the toy as he got used to the pleasure it was giving him. This played out for the next couple of weeks before Darlene showed up at school to pick up Devon.

Devon was playing with his friend when he saw his mother and ran to her. Joe walked over to her. "Darlene, great to see you."

She frowned. "Is it? I didn't think you wanted to see me again."

He shook his head. "No, it's not that. Can we talk?"

She leaned down to Devon. "Sweetie, go play with Mikey for a little bit, would you?"

"Okay mommy, " he ran over to his friend.

"You have a few minutes, so make them count, " she said impatiently.

"I'm sorry Darlene, " He began. "But you have to admit that it was a shock what you told me, and I didn't know. It was still stupid, and I'm sorry."

She put her hands on her hips, trying to look upset with him, but knowing what was coming. "Yeah, so what are you trying to say?"

"I want to go on a date with you, and then we'll see where things go from there. I want to get to know you."

She grinned. "Well, you know where things are going to go, dear. You're going to take my she cock in your cute little ass. Are you man enough to take it?"

He blushed and nodded.

She shook her head. "I want to hear you say it, dear."

"You're going to fuck me, " he said, still blushing. "I want you to fuck me."

She kissed him on the cheek, grabbed his ass and whispered in his ear. "Now, was that so hard?"

"So, what now?"

"Devon goes to his grandmother's this weekend, so I'll have the house to myself. What you need to do Is get yourself ready and come over on Friday night. 22 Willow Street. I'll expect you there no later than 7. Is that understood?"

He nodded.

She grinned and kissed him on the lips. "Relax baby. You and me are going to have a lot of fun together."

Friday couldn't get there quick enough. Joe rushed home and took a long shower, also giving himself a douche, which was something he learned when he looked online a week earlier. He slipped into a pair of designer underwear, slacks and a dress shirt and headed out the door.

He arrived at her house at 6. She smiled and showed him through the door. "You're early." She kissed him on the cheek. "I like that."

"You have a nice place here, " he remarked as he looked around.

She nodded. "It is nice, but I'm still thinking about that job offer. There's a house across town that's nicer, but I have to figure out what I'm going to do with Devon. I don't want him being taken care of by some babysitter while I'm out of town working."

"You're still thinking about that job?"

She shut the door. "It's a good gig, and I like my work. But I need somebody at home I trust 100%."

"I see."

She looked at him long and hard. "Joe, I like you a lot. You're a sensitive, caring man. You have a lot of patience and are good with kids. You and I have a lot of things in common, but I have to ask you something point blank."

"Of course. Ask me anything."

"What are you looking for in a relationship, or are you looking for a relationship at all? Or, is it just sex?"

"I want a relationship, " he replied as he initiated a kiss with her for the first time. "First and foremost. But sex is nice too."

"We'll just see about that," she said with a wink and a grin.

"So, where do you want to go?"

"I got reservations for Martini's, but that's not until 7:45. Then I thought maybe we could go get a night cap. But since we're early, " she added. "I thought maybe we'd have a little fun here first."

"Oh, " he said nervously as he realized what was happening.

"Let mama see what she's working with here."

Nervously, he unbuttoned his slacks to reveal his baby blue designer underwear. She laughed. "Oh, those are cute. Did you buy those just for me?"

He nodded as he removed his dress shirt, revealing his slightly hairy chest.

She ran one of her hands over his chest. "Mama likes, " she said. She ran her hands slowly down his chest and his stomach and gently caressed his crotch. "Mama likes that too."

Darlene surprised him by getting on her knees and pulling his underwear down. Then, she took out his semi hard cock. She began licking it and kissing it. She looked up. "Just because Mama likes to top doesn't mean she doesn't like a good cock in her mouth too."

With that, she began licking and sucking his cock and Joe was surprised when she took a finger and slowly pushed it into his loosened hole. She looked up at him again. "Have you been experimenting with toys down there, sweetie?"

"Yeah, ever since you told me about yourself, I couldn't help it."

"I knew it, I knew you were a little bottom boy." She stood up. "Let me Show you something. I hope it doesn't scare you, " she grinned. She removed the skirt she was wearing, revealing a rather nice bulge in her pink panties. She removed her blouse and her pink bra, showing her nice D Cup breasts. Though they weren't completely natural, hormones grew them quite well before the best breast job her money could buy.

"So, she asked, "what do you think?"

He started licking her nipples and moved up to kiss her. "I like what I see so far."

"Well, get on your knees and see the rest, pussy boy."

He wasn't really prepared for what he was about to see. When he removed her tented pink panties, a rather intimidating eight inch cock popped out and hit him on the nose. She laughed. "Don't just stare at it sweetie. Suck it."

Joe held it in his right hand. It felt soft and yet hard. He'd never held another cock in his hand before, but he liked who this smooth shaven cock was attached to. He slowly started stroking it. "Put your mouth on it, baby. Show Mama some of your oral attention."

Joe begin licking and sucking the tip before daring to take it deeper. "Just what I thought, your a cock sucker too, " she giggled. She ran her hands through his hair. "That's okay baby. Mama likes a cock sucker."

As she got harder, she decided it was time. "Sweetie, why don't you go over there and bend over the table. Mama needs to take that tight ass of yours."

He slowly walked over to the table. "I want to tell you something, " she said as he bent over the table.

"What's that?"

"I've liked you from the moment I met you, and I think you and I would make a good couple, baby. You and me together. Do you like that idea?"

He felt her she cock pressing up against his tight hole. "Yes, I like it a lot."

She began to push in. "Good, Because I think you and me will be real good together." She pushed in further and heard him begin to moan. "Oh, God. Baby, you're so tight. Just the way Mama likes it."

She pushed in as far as she could go before letting it settle there. "Oh, God, " he moaned. "You're so big."

"Thank you, " she said with a chuckle. "You better get used to it. Mama likes to fuck. If you're a good little pussy boy, Mama might give it up for you too."

"Oh God, " he moaned as she began slowly thrusting in and out while she grabbed his hips.

"Such a nice tight ass, baby. Mama's tight ass now." She continued to slowly take him from behind. "Whose ass is this?"

"Oh, God, " he moaned. "Your ass."

She slapped his ass. "Damn right it is. You're my pussy boy now, baby."

The pain began to give way to pleasure as he loosened up and accepted everything she was giving him. He knew this was right for him.

She leaned down on him with her stiff cock still inside his rear passage. She kissed him on the neck. "Does it feel good, baby?"

"Yeah, real good."

She kissed his neck again. "It feels good to me too, sweetie."

This seductive and sensual scene played out for several minutes as she began to feel the pleasure building. Joe had one thought on his mind from the moment she entered him. The scene of Vivian Fox on the DVD. Would she?

Darlene's breathing began to get heavy as she was about ready to cum. She wasn't stopping until she tensed up, thrust in and began to unleash her seed inside of her new pussy boy's ass. "Oh yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, baby, take it."

Joe was on the verge of his own orgasm, though It didn't happen before Darlene erupted inside of him.

She leaned down on him, reached around and began stroking his cock. Her own cock still inside him. Joe couldn't hold back. After a few moments, he came on the floor.

She leaned down and kissed him on the neck. "That was incredible, " he said.

"I'm glad you liked it, " she replied. "What do you say we go clean up and get ourselves something to eat?"

They stood face-to-face kissing each other. "Sweetie, We should go before I give you a taste of round two."
 
Dinner at Martini's was delicious, but the conversation that Darlene and Joe were enjoying made it even better. He felt so much better in her presence that he was certain that being with her was his destiny.

They went to Skip's Lounge for a nightcap and enjoyed drinking expensive wine and chatting some more. Another couple kept playing music to dance to and were out on the dance floor by themselves.

Darlene was watching the couple and looking back at Joe. "Want to dance," she finally asked?

He shook his head. "I'm not a very good dancer."

She smiled. "That's okay, I'll lead."

He blushed. "Isn't the man supposed to lead?"

She put her hand on his. "Darling, I'm already leading in the bedroom, I don't think it's a big deal for me to lead on the dance floor."

She took his hand and led him to the dance floor where an upbeat song was playing. Joe was just trying not to make a fool out of himself, Darlene was a little bit more into it. They danced to a couple of upbeat songs before a slow song played.

Darlene held him closely. Both of them were feeling a nice buzz, and he could feel her she cock pressing against him. "I want you," she spoke deliberately into his ear. "I want you now."

"Here," he blushed. "Like, here at the bar?"

She moaned soothingly into his ear. "Oh love, you're so naive. Wouldn't it be fun if I bent you over the bar and gave you a good railing in front of everybody?"

"I don't know about that," he replied, his facial skin tone not returning to its regular shade just yet.

"No, we can go home. I figure you're going to stay at my house tonight anyways, right?"

He kissed her on the lips. "That sounds good to me."

They came home and no sooner had they shut the door than she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a passionate kiss. "We're doing this," she finally said.

He looked around the living room. "Where?"

She kissed him again. "Anywhere I want you." She thought for a moment. "I know, let's go out to the garage?"

"The garage?"

"Come on," she took him by the hand. She had a strange looking swing hanging from the ceiling, and Joe was trying to figure out what it was for. She walked him over to the swing. "I've had this for a while. I've had lovers get on the swing. It's a special kind that I had made for my lovers. It'll put you at an angle, and basically, I can make love to you while you hang from the swing."

"Oh," he blushed. "That's different."

She eyed him lustfully. "Strip, darling, now. I want you naked and on that swing."

It didn't take long before both of them were naked, and they were kissing and fondling each other next to the swing. "You're so beautiful," she said between kisses. "Where have you been on my life?"

"I'm here now," he replied as he felt her hand wrapping around both his cock and hers, slowly stroking them. He liked the friction between the two cocks in her hand. "Darlene," he said as she kissed him again.

"Yes, love." She was slowly stroking their cocks together as she looked him in the eyes.

Desperation showed in his eyes. "I want you inside of me."

She grinned. "Well, that was the idea of taking you here. Get on the swing."

"It didn't take much to get him secure on the swing, and she was kissing him while she fingered his ass. "If I didn't know better," she said between kisses, "I'd swear you were meant to be a bottom, and you'd been doing it all your life. You're a natural."

"I haven't," he nervously smiled, "but it does feel right to me."

She put a third finger into his ass. "Oh darling, you have such a sexy ass." She positioned his ass to take her beautiful she cock, teasing him as she poked at his hole, intentionally trying not to insert it.

This sensation of her poking against his hole but not entering him had him nervous. "Is everything okay," he asked?

She grinned him. "It's perfect, but you know what I want to hear, right?"

"Darlene, would you please make love to me," he pleaded, finding the romance in the moment.

There was almost a tear in her eye. He was easing into his role as her bottom lover better than she had expected. Asking her to make love to him was something different. Usually, the guy would just flat out tell her to fuck them, and here was this beautiful little man asking her to make love to him.

She leaned down and kissed him, slowly inserting her cock. "I want you to feel every inch of me sliding into you, my dear. Feel me inside of you. I want you to get used to this feeling. This is me showing my love for you, baby."

"Oh God," he moaned, biting his lower lip and looking her in the eye. "I love you too. I love you so much."

Darlene marveled at the moment. She never thought she'd find love among her sex partners, but this beautiful school teacher was just the man of her dreams. His ass wrapped nicely around her sexy shenis, and she was slowly making love to him.

The sensation of being strapped to the swing, hanging in the air, was different. It was like Joe was helpless, but he knew that he could trust her to take control. He surrendered to the moment, feeling her cock stretching his ass as they made love. She would kiss him at times.

The moment was passionate and beautiful at the same time. They maintained eye contact for most of it, her cock slowly making him feel better, and his own cock starting to leak just a little bit.

Darlene had figured out how to make her lovers cum without even touching their cocks, and in this position, either on the swing or on his back, she took delight in making her lover ejaculate just from the pleasure of her she cock stretching his ass.

"You're mine," she told him.

"Why would I want to go," he asked, feeling something strange. His cock spurted a little bit, although not a full organism.

The look on his face let her know that she made him have a mini orgasm. She reached out to touch his cock, not squeezing it, but rubbing the tip with his love fluids. She put her wet finger up to her mouth and sucked it. "Oh lover, I want to make you cum more than that."

He bit his lower lip and closed his eyes, but she wouldn't let that happen. "Look at me, love. I want you to look at me when you cum. I want you to see the one who made you cum with her cock in your ass."

Her own pleasure levels were high, but she wasn't going to have to wait long for him to ejaculate. She was angling at just the right point, which is how the swing was made, and soon he was spurting and moaning, trying to look her in the eyes. "That's it, baby," she smiled lovingly at him. "That's it, cum for me."

She began to grab his body and thrust harder into him, "And now, it's my turn," she proclaimed as she continued to thrust.

He was still spurting a little bit when she shot her load into his ass for the second time of the evening. "You're all mine," she moaned. "You're all mine."

"I'm not arguing." There was a hint of vulnerability in his eyes. "I'm all yours."

She helped him down from the swing, and they went to her bedroom. She turned on the TV and they relaxed, cuddling in bed. They spent the weekend together and made love a few more times when she finally said what was on her mind. "Will you move in with me?"

He looked at her in surprise. "Really? But we just met?"

"I feel like I've known you forever, and don't tell me you don't feel it too," she said as she kissed him.

He looked at her for a moment, a little fear in his eyes. Then he realized, what she was asking for was exactly what he needed. "Of course. We'll move in together, Darlene. Nothing would make me happier."

Just like that, they became a couple, and it would last for the rest of their lives. Devon liked Joe as a father figure and Darlene felt confident enough to take the big job and leave Devon in Joe's care. They had plenty of passion in the bedroom, but they also enjoyed going many places together as a family.

Joe never could have imagined his life would be where it was. To the outside world, he might have looked like the man of the house, but in the bedroom, he was very much Darlene's bottom, pussy boy. He wouldn't have it any other way.


 

Sissy Debbie Takes One For Mistress

Sissy Debbie was in bed with her Mistress/wife.  Mistress Brenda kept her sissy locked in chastity, because she liked her sexually frustrated and desperate to cum.  The two of them wore gold satin night gowns that felt like butter against their smooth skin.  Debbie wore something much shorter and revealing as per Mistress's orders.

Brenda wasn't feeling that well at the moment, and her boyfriend was coming over.  "Rob wants to come over and fuck me tonight, " she announced, not too happily.

The sissy blushed.  "But Rob has such a big cock.  You always say how divine it feels inside you, Mistress."

Brenda smiled.  "Oh, it does.  I think we both know that, don't we sissy?"

Debbie thought back to last month when Rob was pounding her from behind.  "He does have a nice cock."

Mistress laughed.  "Nice?  That thing is huge, sweetie.  You seem to take it like a little slut, which is a good thing."

"Why is that Mistress?"

She kissed her sissy on the forehead.  "Because I need you to take that cock for me tonight.  The horny bastard probably wants to fuck me all night, and I just don't want to do it.  I have a headache."

Debbie was worried.  "A headache Mistress?  Let me get you something for that.  I..."

Brenda cut her off.  "No, you silly sissy.  I don't want a cock anywhere near me right now.  You know how I feel about that.  Only the right time and place.  Why do you think I keep your worthless clitty locked up?"

"Because it belongs to you, Mistress?"

She smiled.  "Of course, it does dear.  You are such a delight to keep around here.  You know how to take care of your Mistress.  You know your place."

"Thank you, Mistress."

Brenda sighed.  "But I have to take care of him.  Rob pays some of the bills around here.  Fortunately, he likes that pussy of yours too, so you're gonna be his little cum receptacle tonight, aren't you?"

The sissy blushed.  "If it pleases you, I'll do it."

Mistress laughed.  "You know it does, but I know what a little cock whore you've become.  You like making men cum inside you, don't you sissy?"

"Yes Mistress, I do."

"That's why I have to keep you locked up and ready to serve."

"Mistress, I was wondering..."

She brushed some hair out of her sissy's eyes.  Debbie's brown hair was getting longer and more beautiful thanks to the salon appointments.  “Well, what is it?"

The sissy knew the answer, but it was very much on her mind.  "Do you think sometime soon I could maybe...  Maybe make love to you, just once..."

Mistress kissed her sissy on the forehead.  "Of course not.  That clitty isn't going anywhere near me.  You know that.  I love you better as my sissy housewife."

"But, can I maybe cum tonight?"

Mistress laughed.  "You can cum as much as you want tonight with him inside your pussy, but you're clitty is staying locked up as always."

"Thank you, Mistress, " said the dejected sissy.

Brenda knew what was best for her sissy, and she knew she was happy this way.  "Good girl.  Now, go to the guest room.  I'm sure your man is waiting for you already."

The sissy fixed her makeup briefly and applied some red lipstick before going to the guest room.  Occasionally this was her bedroom if Mistress decided she and her man needed privacy.  Rob was waiting there on the other side of the door.

He stood up and kissed her.  He wore no clothes.  "Hi Debbie.  You look gorgeous tonight."

She hugged him.  "Thank you, sweetie.  You're not disappointed it's not Mistress, are you?"

He pointed to his erection.  "Does it look like I am?"

She got on her knees.  "It's so big, daddy.  May I kiss it?"

He grinned.  "It's all for you, darling."

She put her lipstick marks all up and down his cock and then stated licking his balls.  "God, you are such a hot little slut."

She played around with his balls on her tongue.  He had a huge cock that was close to ten inches long, she thought.  She knew it was big, and it had been deep inside her pussy.

He snapped a couple pictures of her with his phone as she sucked his cock.  "You don't mind if I take pictures of your beautiful mouth around my cock, do you?"

"Ummmm, " was all she said as she continued to suck his manhood.

"Good girl, " he grinned.  "You are one of the sexiest sissy cock suckers on the site.  I know three guys who would pay money to fuck your ass.  I can make it happen too, if you want."

She was straining against the chastity device at the thought, and he knew it.  He loved to get her all hot.  In fact, he meant to make her cum inside her chastity device again.  She kept sucking his cock.

"Think about it darling, " he added as his forced more cock into her mouth.  "Three guys at once.  A cock in your pussy, one on your mouth and one in your hand."

She was gagging as she tried to deep throat him, and he snapped a few more photos.  "Take it deep, like a good girl.  Take in all of daddy's cock."

Debbie felt like such a slut.  She knew she shouldn't like this as much as she did.  She was a slave to Rob's cock.  If Mistress didn't want it, she did.  Of course, she still wished she could fuck her Mistress.  Taking the cock meant for her Mistress, the cock that had been inside her Mistress, was the next best thing.

"Oh fuck" he said as he exploded inside her mouth.  He snapped a few shots as a few drops leaked out of the corner of her mouth.  "Perfect.  Show me your load, baby."

She showed him his load as she smiled.  She then swallowed it, smiled and said, "Yummy."

"You little cum slut, " he said with a laugh.  "The next one is going inside your pussy."

"Can I get you a drink, daddy, " she said as she stood up.

"Yeah, get me some water, and I'm thinking a little orange juice too.  I'm gonna need to refuel."

She headed to the kitchen for his two drinks.  She felt so submissive, having just sucked a man's cock and swallowed his cum, while posing for pictures.  Now, she was getting his drinks for him like a good girl.  She stared down for a moment to admire her red painted toenails.

Debbie had sunk pretty low.  Not a trace of the man who married his wife.  Allowed to be locked into chastity, never allowed to make love to his wife and eventually to become her cuckolded housewife.  Now, the sissy was taking the cock her wife didn't want to take.

She headed back to the guest room.  "Here you go sweetie.  Can I ask you something?"

He took a drink of water.  "What is it you wanna know, darling?"

She sat down next to him and rubbed his back.  "Does Mistress know about the pictures of me online?"

He downed the rest of the water and kissed her.  "Not yet.  Do you want her to know?"

She loved his kiss.  "Yes, she should know the truth."

He looked her in the eye.  "You realize she may decide to pimp you out for money.  When she finds out how much these guys want to pay, if I know her, you're gonna be her little whore."

Debbie blushed.  "I know.  It's not my choice, but Mistress makes these decisions for me, and I have to obey her.'

He got hard at the thought.  "You do as she says, don't you?  You're here now because she told you to be, aren't you?"

She kissed him.  "I like being here with you."

"Well, let's see how you feel about this, " he said with a grin.  He had her bend over in front of him and slowly entered her tight sissy pussy.

"Oh, it's so big daddy, " she said as she felt the pain of first penetration.

"Does it hurt baby?"

"A little, but keep going.  Mmm, yeah."

"Fuck.  You little slut.  Look at that, " he snapped another couple shots.  "All the way inside."

She looked behind her.  "Shut up and fuck me."

"As you wish, " he said as he started pounding her ass steadily.  He loved the tightness of this sissy's ass.  She was cute.  Her Mistress had prepared her well, and he enjoyed fucking her when her Mistress was not up to it.  The way he saw it, sissies could enjoy his big cock too.

She pushed back to take him all in, and their bodies worked as one.  The flashes let her know he was taking more pictures, and it was an incredible turn on to her.  She leaked a little cum inside her chastity, desperate for release.

He kept fucking her hard for several minutes, but soon he came inside her sissy hole.  She felt the warmth and it was intoxicating to her.  She was a little frustrated with the fact that she hadn't cum yet.  His cock was still inside her ass at that point.

He lay on top of her, kissing the back of her neck.  He was incredibly horny tonight.  "You are so amazing.  Ever thought about having a boyfriend?"

"I would never leave Miss Brenda.  I love her, " she said.  It was a strange thought in a way as she still tasted this man's cum in her mouth and had just received a load of his cum in her pussy with his cock still inside her.

He stood up and pulled out of her to get his orange juice.  She suddenly felt so empty. She watched him, with a hint of sadness in her eyes.

As he downed his drink, he noticed the look.  "What's wrong, darling?"

She shook her head.  "It's nothing."

He sat next to her and kissed her.  "Don't tell me that.  I can see it's something.  What is it?"

She looked down.  "It's just that I didn't..."

"Tell me.”  He kissed her again.  "I'll help you with it, I promise."

"I wanted to cum, " she blurted it out.  "I need to cum."

He laughed.  "Oh, is that all.  Suck me a little more, baby, and I'll see what I can do."

She lay her head in his lap and started sucking him again.  She could taste her ass and his cum on his cock, which was another turn on for some reason.  "You know, I think you are one of the best cock suckers I've ever been with."

She giggled.  "Thank you."

She sucked him a little more until he positioned her on her back with her legs in the air and entered her in one thrust.  Some of his man juice had leaked out of her cum lubed ass.  He looked her in the eyes.  "I want you to cum for me.  Let me know where it feels the best."

He couldn't resist snapping a few more pictures, getting a couple shots of her small, but growing breasts.  "Oh, right there daddy."

"You like that" he asked as he angled his cock upward inside her.

"Yeah, right there, " she replied lustfully.

He kept at it, and her pleasure was building.  She was amazed at this man's stamina.  He seemed like he could go all night, but could her ass handle the pounding?  At this moment, all she was feeling was pleasure.

Her clitty was trapped in the cage, and Mistress had taught her not to even put her hands on the cage.  She worked her body around the invading cock inside her pussy, and suddenly, the orgasm began.  It was slow at first, but intense.

The pleasure built into a tidal wave, and she was moaning loudly.  "Yeah, daddy, right there.  Oh yeah."

Her convulsions were driving him over the edge, and as she was finishing her orgasm, he came inside her again.  He lay on top of her and kissed her.  "You are an amazing woman, Debbie."

They kissed for several minutes, lost in their special moment.  He stood up and began to get dressed.  "I'm so sorry.  I wish I could stay all night, but I have to get back.  Work related."

"That's okay, " she replied as she walked him to the door.  "You were incredible."

He kissed her again, "You too, darling."

She watched him drive away and walked back to the master bedroom, cum leaking out of her ass and her chastity as it was.  She climbed between the sheets with her Mistress.

Miss Brenda laughed.  "I can see from the look on your face, he fucked you well, didn't he slut?"

The sissy blushed.  "Yes Mistress."

"Good girl, " she kissed her.  "You may have paid a couple months of rent with that one from the sounds I was hearing.  I've trained you well.  I'm proud of you."

The Wet Spot Gave It Away

 The Wet Spot Gave It Away

 

Mark was giving it to sissy Jessica from behind quite well. Actually, Jessica was really Jeff, and the two were best friends since junior high. It was back then when Mark learned of Jeff's secret. He liked it. It was a turn on to both of them.

For years the two would get together in private, and Mark would treat Jessica like his girlfriend. Jessica, that is to say Jeff, married his high school girlfriend Lisa, but she had no clue that he had this side to himself.

Mark had Jessica dress up as a cheerleader. She wore a pink outfit and was doing specially created cheers for him. They'd been watching football all day, and Jessica even served him drinks. At one point, she gave him a slow, sensual blowjob. When Mark finally had his orgasm, she dutifully swallowed it.

Sundays at 10:00 in the morning tended to be the time that Mark and Jeff hooked up. Lisa would go to brunch with her friends, so the two would at least have the morning and early afternoon to play.

In this case, Lisa was planning to be gone until midnight, and it was only 10 in the evening. Mark was in the middle of giving Jessica a good pounding from behind. The sissy took every inch of him deep in her love hole.

Mark was enjoying the tightness, and it never got old for him. He slapped the sissy on the ass a couple of times. "Whose pussy hole is this," he asked?

"It's your pussy," Jessica proclaimed. "It's your pussy, Daddy. Fuck me harder."

"Yeah, that's right baby. I want you to cum for me first."

"I'm trying," Jessica claimed. She was receiving the most amazing pleasure, but the actual ejaculation wasn't easy to come by. "It's hard, Daddy."

Mark laughed. "You damn right it's hard, and you've got all eight inches of it inside that pussy. Cum for your daddy, right this instance, you little slut." He slapped Jessica's ass a couple more times.

"Oh crap," he moaned. "Too late. I got mine at least," he laughed as he tilted his head back and exploded inside the sissy's willing love hole. He smiled proudly as he slapped Jessica's ass a couple more times and pulled out.

"Turn around, bitch," he instructed as he put his cock to her lips. "Clean me up."

Mark didn't have to ask. Jessica was willing to do it anytime. She was a bit frustrated over not having her orgasm with his cock in her ass, so she started stroking herself as she took his cock into her mouth, licking it thoroughly. She tasted the combination of her ass and his love fluids.

Jessica was in ecstasy, thinking about how lucky she was that she had a friend who could give her the pounding she needed, and her wife was none the wiser. Suddenly, she heard a car door slam out in the driveway. She sprang up in a panic. "Oh crap, she's early."

Mark calmly pulled up his pants and sat down on the couch. He watched in amusement as Jeff was throwing Jessica's clothes and wig into a duffel bag and zipping it up. "Shit, I need to remove my makeup."

As he ran down the hallway and into the bedroom, Lisa entered the house looking lovely in her blue dress. She smiled at Mark. "Hi Mark. Where's Jeff?"

"He's in the bedroom changing shorts. He spilled his drink and made a bit of a mess, " he replied as he calmly took a drink of beer.

Lisa laughed. "He's such a klutz."

Jeff borrowed some of his wife's makeup remover and wiped frantically. He looked into the mirror and noticed his dangling earrings. "Shit, are you trying to get caught, " he admonished himself? He removed them and stuck them in the back of the cupboard under the sink.

He looked at himself in the mirror and his face looked okay. He threw on a pair of underwear, some shorts that were too tight as he'd grabbed the wrong ones and a t-shirt.

Jeff walked back into the living room as Lisa was still standing at the doorway, telling Mark what had happened on her day out. "So, Cassie and Sheila left and the rest of us decided to call it an early night."

Jeff walked up to his wife and kissed her. "Hi sweetie. You're home early."

The kiss tasted funny to her, but somehow familiar. She dismissed that thought. "Yeah, we decided to come home early. I hope you don't mind."

"Why would I mind, " he replied with another kiss. He turned towards the kitchen. "I'm gonna get another drink. You want one sweetie?"

"I'll take a glass of wine, " she said as she glanced at the back of his shorts and saw a wet spot developing. Mark noticed it too and stood up to leave. "Jeff, I just remembered I have something to do. I'll call you later."

Lisa glanced at Mark with the oddest look, and a clever smile came across her face. Mark just blushed and avoided eye contact.

Suddenly, she realized what that taste was and a few other odd things that had been going on with Jeff lately. "Aw, " she said as she hugged Mark. "I hope you're not leaving on my account."

He hugged her nervously. He knew she knew what was going on now. "No, Helen's probably home waiting for me, so I need to get back and take care of something for her."

Helen was Lisa's best friend since childhood, and there were things going on between the two ladies that their husband's didn't know. Perhaps it was time to have an honest talk with Jeff. "Tell her I'll call her tomorrow."

"We'll do, " Mark replied as he walked out the door.

Jeff handed Lisa a glass of wine. "Here you go sweetie."

She smiled. "Thanks dear. Now, why don't we have a seat and talk."

Jeff had a puzzled look on his face. "This sounds serious. About what?"

She shook her head and grinned. "Well, for starters, you can tell me why you have a wet spot in the back of your shorts and why Mark had such a guilty look on his face just now."

Jeff's face went white. He wasn't sure what to say to that. She caught him dead to rights. "Honey, I."

She held up her hand, shaking her head with a smirk on her face. "Spare me. I had a feeling you were up to something, but this is even better than I thought."

"Why is it better?" He paused for a moment. "What were you thinking?"

She laughed. "It doesn't matter. You should know that Helen and I have been having our own fun. I've been meaning to tell you, but now I can just come out with it. She and I love eating each other out, and she takes my strap-on like a champ. I'm going to keep doing it."

"Honey, I'm sorry, but."

She held up her hand again. "Spare me, love. Besides, it doesn't matter." She kissed him on the lips. "This works out for the best. From the looks of the back of your shorts, you love to bottom. I'm guessing you don't even top him at all, do you?"

He blushed and was unable to come up with a response. She smiled, mischievously. "Uh huh, that's perfect. If you play your cards right, maybe I'll use my strap-on with you."

She took his hand. "Let's go to bed, baby. You got me all wet thinking about what you and your best friend were up to, and I'd kind of like to have one of your expert oral sessions."

Back In San Francisco For A Gathering Remembering Gwen Araujo

Back In San Francisco For A Gathering Remembering Gwen Araujo

I made it back to San Francisco for the first time in over 8 years. My life didn't take a very good turn, and I ended up in Oregon for 6 years to keep a roof over my head. 

This is part of the reality of trans existence, being underemployed and barely getting by with little money. We end up slipping through the cracks and being homeless, but I was fortunate enough to have an opportunity to at least keep a roof over my head.

The last time I was in San Francisco, I was at the transgender nightclub Divas bringing in the New Year heading into 2014. I remember it being a happy time. I felt a little bit connected with my trans sisters. 

I was a work in progress then, and I am surely I work in progress now. I'm doing more to claim my ground than I was back then. Back then, I was still grieving the death of my father and didn't leave the house very much.

One of the biggest inspirations to me coming out as trans was Gwen Araujo. I can recount the story of how I finally took those steps, but the girl had been living inside my head since I was a kid. 

There was a lot of fear, shame and I just didn't think becoming was possibile for me. In 2008, as I was getting a better understanding of myself, I learned more about Gwen. I was able to take a deeper dive into her story.

When it happened, it was all over the news. I remember thinking how wrong it was. I think had some good conversations with my sister about her. At that point, people were still getting away with murder against the LGBT community and using the panic defense. 

They claimed they were tricked or what have you. As a result of what had happened with the first trial, Trans March became a thing. The trans community was tired of being treated as disposable humans.

I was probably a few weeks from actually coming out and just beginning to dress as I saw fit in public. It was Trans March 2008, and I just learned about the event maybe a month before at Divas. 

When I got there, there was a trans woman with a banner for Gwen and a trans pride flag. She was going to carry the flag, and she and her friend were going to carry the banner. I asked her if she would mind if I carried it with her friend, and she let me.

I felt so happy that I could bring Gwen's name to attention at this parade. It still hurts to know that she was taken away from us. I wouldn't even know who she was if she hadn't been murdered, and that's a weird sort of feeling. 

I love this person I never met, and I wouldn't know her if she wasn't murdered. I even wrote a story I was blessed enough to give to her aunt recently. It talks about me going back in time and saving her. I'm not sure if her family liked it or not, because I've heard nothing back.

Because of certain things that have happened in my life this year, I'm actually okay if I don't hear anything. I'm afraid that if there's a negative reaction in any way, it will impact the way I view things. I felt weird after I told them I wrote the story. Her aunt asked if she could see it. 

I started wondering, how they were going to feel when they read this story. Was it insensitive of me to bring it up? But, I wanted to follow through on what I said and send her the story. I even explained a little bit about what I was thinking when I wrote it.

20 years ago on October 4th, Gwen Araujo was violently murdered. They can say what they want, but these guys knew that when they found out what they suspected of her, they were going to beat her. I don't know how they couldn't think they would beat her to death. 

 

How many guys were there? She's one trans woman, and surely she's going to get beaten to death. She pleaded for her life, but the bad part is what her mother Sylvia Guerrero revealed when she spoke at the end of the gathering.

Sylvia had learned a few years after the fact that her daughter wasn't dead at that point. Even when she begged them, saying, "Please don't, I have a family," they kept at it. She did not stop breathing when she fell to the ground. 

 

They buried her under the ground, still alive. Her final moments on Earth were buried underground alive. I don't even want to think about her coming to consciousness buried under the ground. 

In my return to California and my interactions with another person who impacted my coming out, I came back to God again. As a kid, my parents made me go to church, so I know I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart then. He's been at the door, at arm's length for many years.

 

I welcomed Him back into my heart, because I feel very strongly that I need my relationship with Him. So, when I think about what I really think about the people who murdered Gwen, I have to catch myself and ask for forgiveness from God.

I don't know when she came out exactly, but probably a few years before she was murdered. She was living as a hormonal cisgender female would live. That is to say, she had the desires of a straight female. There were other factors going on, sure. 

In her mind, she was just being a young woman doing what women do. Sure, she was 17 years old, but let's not kid ourselves. Teens at that age are engaging in sex. In the moment the guys were in, they were having fun. It was only when they suspected her being trans when their hateful thoughts became reality.

I know people are going to talk about what should have happened and what shouldn't have. Trans women should wear a badge saying "I am trans" at all times. Therefore, they can't even dare to go out in public feeling like they are female, they have to have an asterisk. I feel female, but approach me with caution. 

This is the discussion that people will have. If you're trans, you should blurt it out immediately to anybody you might potentially have a relationship with. This is one of the things about being trans. 

At my age and given my appearance, people are going to see me coming. The bigger issue I have is the guys see me and the fact that I'm not exactly passable. Therefore, I must be dressing the way I am because I want to have sex with them. 

So, if a guy does approach me and isn't trying to threaten me, he's thinking I might want to do something sexual with him. He's not respecting me as a person.

 

The good news is nobody's really threatening me these days, but the bad news is I get these guys coming up to me and thinking I want to do sexual things with them more often than I'd like to admit. 

I knew I wanted to be at this event, because I wanted to feel somehow closer to Gwen. I wanted to meet her mother, who's carried this pain with her for 20 years. 

She lost her baby, and I know a day doesn't go by when she doesn't think of her. She didn't completely understand what being trans was, but she did understand that this was her child and she loved her.

 

She therefore might not have referred to her as Gwen at first, but eventually she filed for legal name change so that Gwen was not being misgendered. She wanted to stop them referring to her male name. That's what a loving mother does.

In the immediate years after Gwen's murder, Sylvia did seminars, because she wanted to preach about the understanding of trans children. They're not bad people for being trans. They are different. They deserve to be loved and understood, and too many parents disown their trans children.

 

At a certain point, depression takes hold. Sylvia has battled depression, lost her home, lost the ability to work, lost her belongings and has struggled to even hold on to things that belonged to Gwen. This is the road that she's traveled for the last 20 years.

I can't imagine how she felt as October 4th came each year. It brought it home every year that her daughter had been taken from her this way. 20 years had finally come this year, and Sylvia wasn't going to put together another function. 

 

Bevan Dufty, a politician from San Francisco, was a big instigator in making this gathering at the San Francisco public library happen. He's also somebody who's worked to try to get Sylvia into her own home. He is the sweetest man and shows his heart when he does something like this.

I read that there was going to be a panel talking about legal issues that the transgender community faces, and then there was going to be another panel of trans youth leaders talking about the things being done to help now. This was very informative.

 

What saddens me is that not even half of the auditorium was full. A lot of people either didn't know or didn't care to show up, and we need to support things like this. I'm glad for the people who were there to pay their respects to Gwen and hear a little bit about what's going on.

It's interesting to see the trans community evolve the way it has. From what I was witnessing when I started to come out in 2008 to now, things have changed. There's a thing called trans youth now where children are identified as being trans at an early enough age that they can bring about the body changes that would make them feel more complete as adults. 

Some people think you're forcing a child to become trans, but they pretty much know who they are. If it's a fad, that comes to light very quickly. 

While I'm a bit concerned that we're very careful in how we approach this, I want trans health care to happen at as young an age as possible. Those of us who come out later aren't going to get the body changes we'd like to see from HRT, but those who are younger and come into puberty can get the kind of puberty that they really desire.

 

They'll get the body changes. A trans female, for instance, we'll get the hips of a female, breast development and so on. If they come out at 30, they might still look good, but they won't get all of the changes that they might get if they came out in their teens.

As it was for the trans community when the LGBT rights movement was really gaining steam, it's the transgender youth who are the punching bags. There's more of a focus on extinguishing them. There's more of a focus on taking away their health care so that they can't have the hormones and get those body changes that they desire. There's more of a focus that they don't get addressed as they identify in some states.

 

So, a trans female, for instance, will still be referred to as a male in some school districts in some states. They'll also be forced to use the male restroom and so on. There's a lot of fear associated with making them use those restrooms and the misnomer that they will somehow harm cisgender females.

The Transgender Law Center and Lambda Legal are doing good things in the fight for transgender rights. They're fighting the states that are putting these anti trans bills to together. They're fighting for our rights, and their winning some of these cases. We were hearing about some of the successes, but also some of the roadblocks ahead.

 

The pendulum was swinging in our favor at one point, but it always swings back. We always get the blow back from people who think we're gaining too many rights, and they want to take away what we have. These lawyers are on the front line in our fight.

One of the panelists spoke of Gavin Newsom trying to make California a sanctuary state for families with transgender children. When their states are trying to keep them from having certain rights in their transition, California is trying to open the gates. Those States might fight to have them moved back to their states, and California is saying they're not getting them.

 

The lawyer who's following this advises that Newsom will face a challenge in this law. I can't imagine a state so gung ho to force somebody to comply with their belief of how this person should be that they would extradite them from a state when all they're trying to do is become who they truly are meant to be. 

There's a lot of ignorance in the anti-trans movement. There are people who walk around thinking you weren't trans, and somehow somebody put a thought into your head to make you become that one day. That's not the case. The transgender community is certainly evolving, but to make the decision to transition is a personal one.

 

People go into that decision understanding the body changes that are going to come with hormone replacement therapy. They also understand what surgeries they want to have to help them become. Nobody put it into their head to be that way.

However, the idea of what gender identity is has been turned on its head in the last decade or so. We've always had people who will blur the lines and would be considered gender fluid. There are people who have been hiding in the closet of gender expression. There are people who would like to go out sometimes dressed as female, despite the fact that they are male. 

 

They're not necessarily uncomfortable with being male, but they want to express their femininity sometimes. In doing so, sometimes they decide that they really want to become female full time. They wouldn't necessarily be diagnosed as gender dysphoric, but in their minds, they've made the decision to transition anyway. It's a whole other discussion. 

For the transgender youth, there are all kinds of different groups out there to help them. Some of the panelists were there to discuss the effort to help get housing, hormone replacement, jobs and whatever is needed for these trans youth. A lot of good things exist now that weren't there 20 or so years ago.

 

Specific to ethnic groups, there are groups for the Latina trans population, African Americans and so on. The important takeaway here is that there's more help out there than ever before for the trans community, but we're facing blowback and threats against our own existence to this day.

Sylvia closed the whole event with her speech. She's struggled a little bit, but she's kept an amazing, upbeat spirit. There's something really admirable about this woman. I watched her bounce from one group to another with a spring in her step. She posed for pictures, including a picture with me. 

 

She was willing to stop and talk to anybody afterwards and share her experiences, because she hopes that by sharing Gwen's story, a difference will be made in the world. The fact is, her story is making a difference. Gwen's story still resonates with people 20 years later, and that will continue to be the case.

Gwen Araujo was somebody who had been bullied and made to feel like she was wrong to be who she was. In her own household, she had acceptance from her mother and her family. Outside the door, it became so difficult that she didn't graduate high school. Still, she had dreams. 

 

She and her mother had talked about how good Gwen was at doing hair and makeup. She was going to go to beauty school, and it was her ambition to be somebody who went to Hollywood and did the hair and makeup of the stars. This might be who she was now had she been allowed to live, but hate ruled that night.

While I know Sylvia hurts inside when she has to relive these things in telling Gwen's story, I know she feels that it's something she needs to do whenever possible. I've been praying on this for a while this year. I've felt that with what's going on with the trans youth in places like Florida and Texas, Sylvia could tell a story that would resonate. 

 

We weren't talking about parents of trans children too much 20 years ago. Most of the time, it was that a child was trans and got kicked out of their home. Sylvia was a mother who stood by her child, only to see that child get murdered. When she tells her story, she makes a difference.

For me personally, I feel like I know Gwen. I felt like by being at this event and seeing her mother and her aunt and looking over and seeing some of Gwen's friends, I know her a little bit more. She was in that room with us, or so I believe.

 

Every time I see a picture of her, I get a little bit sad about what we lost the day she was murdered. I start having that discussion with myself. Maybe it would be okay if I didn't know her if it meant that she still lived. 

 

I know some see her as a martyr for the trans community, and she is. However, to Sylvia Guerrero, Gwen was her baby girl. She'll always be that. God Bless Gwen and Sylvia.