He's Quitting Crossdressing For His Wife

I was browsing a CD/TS website, which I am thinking about joining.  There are little blogs up there where people share things about themselves and I noticed one who is posting about quitting dressing in women's clothes because it displeases the wife.  I've touched upon this in other posts about how some guys (or girls in waiting in some cases) dressed before they even met their wives.  When they met, they were ashamed of that part of themselves and hid it because they felt she would not understand.

Truth is, some of those fears are justified.  Some aren't, but some are.  So, he has to make a choice.  He loves this woman and wants to be with her, so he figures he can control it.  He'll keep it to himself and he'll be fine.  Many guys get away with this type of thing for years.  Some of them just dress when they can, and some hook up with other crossdressers or men behind her back.  I don't want to sound like a jerk, but those guys deserve what they get when they get caught.  Those vows didn't say "mess around with somebody behind her back" did they?

Now, I understand the desire to be in touch with the woman inside to whatever degree he has that feeling.  When you choose to hide it from your wife, you make the decision that she is more important than your desire to be feminine.  You made that choice, not her.  I'm not saying I don't understand why you did it.  I do understand.  Had I pursued a traditional relationship with a woman, I may very well be in the same boat.  Knowing what I know now, I would not be able to stop.  If there were no attempt to understand each other from that point, the relationship would end.  But, that's me.  That's not this person I'm referring to or other people in that situation.  It's not easy.

This person made a comment that the wife will never understand that this is not a choice, but in a way he has made it a choice.  He chose to purge (not the first or last time I'd bet) for her and continues to blog about not dressing.  It's probably therapeutic to talk about it, but he mentions how she discusses it with him sometimes like it's an addiction he has, such as drugs.  I wish him luck, because I'll tell you something.  If this is something he can't control, the woman inside him will come back stronger and stronger.  There may come a time when he won't want to stop and that will be it.  She doesn't sound like she's in the least bit understanding in my opinion.

I'm not getting on her for that.  It's totally her right to feel that way.  When they married, she expected that he put all of his cards on the table.  True, married couples will learn things about each other they didn't know before as time goes on, but this is a pretty big deal.  He knows it and she knows it.  He felt it was big enough to hide it from her and keep it hidden until she found out about it and ordered him to stop.  Chances are, she never would have married him had he told her in the first place.  He made a choice to hide it and marry that woman, who loved the rest of what she knew about him.

I still think that many women in her case feel like this will make him gay or eventually he'll want men and leave her so she'd better put a stop to it.  Truth is, some do turn to men or are bi, but some love women and consider themselves lesbian when dressed.  I've mentioned ways where I think it can draw a couple closer, but again, some women want that macho man that they married.  They have other lady friends for their female companionship.  They don't want him intruding into their feminine territory.

So, I wish those guys lots of luck, especially the ones who dress in private but are sexually loyal and devoted to their wives.  I feel for them.  I wish I could help them find a way to share that with her and help her understand that he still loves her.  Most don't even know how to begin to bring up that subject, even to a wife who would understand.  I've had a few ideas swirling around in my head, but you never really know what will work, even if something sounds good.

Another member of this site, a genetic female, posted about how her wife wasn't with her anymore.  When she got married, her husband hadn't shared any of this with her because of his experiences in previous relationships.  In fact, he had purged his collection of clothes after marriage because he didn't want her to find out.  And, he was indeed a person who felt like a she inside and wanted to transition.

Their story seemed destined to have a happy ending, because she was accepting and supportive and wanted to be with her.  He began his transition.  There are many CD's and even trans women, who would love to have an accepting wife like her, and this person had that.  The problem began, as she reported, when her transgender wife stopped sharing with her about what she was going through.

She asked in that particular blog if she should give her transitioning husband some space to work things out or try to talk about it with her.  I don't know what happened at that point as to whether she went with the former or the latter.  Transitioning is a deeply personal thing, but when you have loved ones there who want to be there for you, especially a loving wife, it's kind of unfair to shut her out.  I'm not sure where the separation happened, but it seems like lack of communication started it, and that the transitioning husband initiated it.

Now, she's having a hard time living without the woman she wants to be with as her wife. I don't know where this will go.  Are they drifting hopelessly apart?  Is it just a need for space?  I feel bad for the wife, who has been shut out in this.  Sometimes on hormones, a person can find their desire for being with a certain gender changing.  Not always, but sometimes.  Nothing is ever just black and white, in my opinion.  You may have two likely answers, but there's always shades of grey.

From what I've seen, the transitioning husband identified as straight and attracted to women originally, but I think that sometimes there are the cases where sexual attraction can change as one feels more in tune with their gender.  I'm not saying that happened here or that reconciliation is impossible.  It seems that this has been brewing for a month or two.  I do hope things work out for them.

Now, this ties in with my opinion of one of the reasons most women (not all) say no to CD's and allowing him to dress.  What if it costs her a marriage?  There are many things going through her mind, and I can totally understand.  But I will say there are many CD's, some of whom are in the tg spectrum, who would love to have a wife as understanding and supportive as her.  The sad thing is, some of them do and they don't even realize it.