To The Transgender Community I say, "Be Proud, Be You, Be Happy"

To The Transgender Community I say, "Be Proud, Be You, Be Happy"

 

I think it was the second Trans March that I attended over a decade ago. A Latina trans woman was giving a speech in which she was telling us that we should be proud of ourselves. We should be proud of who we are. I remember the gist of what she was saying.

She said that whether you are transgender, transvestite or just a crossdresser. She stopped herself at that point. You're not "just" a crossdresser, she said. Wherever you are in your journey, you should be proud of who you are.

What she was doing was making a very valid point about the transgender community. We have a pretty big umbrella right now. It's so big, in fact, that there are actually people who don't want to be associated with LGB. We see it more blatantly the other way with the LGB Alliance, and I find this curious and alarming.

I think what some in the trans community with this opinion are saying is that trans issues sometimes get thrown under the bus. They get sacrificed in the name of making gains for the gay and lesbian groups. I'm not going to even unpack that as this isn't the column for that issue. I will say that it's true that we have a big umbrella in transgender community.

You have gender identity, you have gender questioning and you have gender expression. Those in the expression category might just be looking to do things sometimes, and it means different things to different people. These may be people who just want to do something at home, safely behind closed doors.

This may be somebody who wants to present as a female and may even be good at it when they do it. However, most of the time you're going to see them as their male selves. On those days when they are presenting as female, however, they are immersing themselves in the role.

We're evolving in society, and that does scare people. When we start talking about pronouns and such, there are certain people who refuse to even entertain the discussion. They think there's a man and a woman, he and she, and basically they want you to know your place. There is no gray area to them.

Those in the LGBT community would beg to differ with that thought. In fact, where some of those people who are upset about pronouns further lose it is when they assume that somebody who is transgender is gay. That's not necessarily true either. Sexual identity and gender identity are two different things. That's another thing to unpack in a different column.

I just want to speak to the idea of being proud of who you are. When I have been a part of various different forums through the years, such as Sissy School, Sissy Social and Club Sissy, I've always advocated for being proud of who you are and self-acceptance. I've encountered those who can't get out of their own head.

It breaks my heart to see those people who feel they can never do anything. Sometimes, somebody looking to express their gender are unpacking bigger issues. Once they get into the expression of it, they start to ask deeper questions and even come to the realization that they are in fact transgender. They've been buried inside their head for so long, that they haven't been able to get out of it.

The reason I want to support everybody under the trans umbrella is because we're all different. We all have different journeys, and they are unique to you. Your way of doing things and mine may be different, but that doesn't make either way less valid. It's just the way that works for you.

Some people, for instance, are offended by the term sissy. I encountered that in a comment I posted on Twitter. The lady in question said that the word sissy made her want to barf. I get it. Some people get into the sissy idea as a fetish, and other people are offended by that. I got into the sissy idea as I was questioning my gender identity. Sissy to me was better than male and I didn't feel like I could call myself a woman.

When I went to those forums, which is where I started to explore who I really am, I encountered larger issues. It's not a fetish to me, but it's not bad if it's a fetish to somebody else. It's who I am. I have come to accept myself as transgender, and I'm going to be on this journey for the rest of my life.

We have a difficult time discussing gender identity or gender expression. Marriages get broken up for the simple fact that one partner realizes they are transgender and wants to act upon that. The other partner didn't feel they married a trans person, and so the marriage ends.

We also have the expressionists who keep it secret from their partner. There are a lot of secret crossdressers, and usually that's going to be a male who likes to play around with female clothing. Because of the stigma that society puts on such things, many women can't unpack that. If they find out, bad things happen.

I personally believe that it could spice up a marriage if a wife would accept the fact that she's got a husband who has a little bit of sissy in them. They like to dress up a little bit, but it's just something they like to do. It doesn't even mean that they're attracted to men or any of that. They may dearly love their wives and want to express it through dressing up, but they feel like they can't.

I've encountered my share of sissies and transvestites who do this behind their wives backs. This ranges from people who are just dressing up privately and playing with their toys to people who dress up privately and seek other partners. I won't unpack that either, but the dishonesty of going outside the marriage may end the marriage if the wife finds out.

What's interesting is we also have some wives accept that their husbands dress up in women's clothing. Just don't do it around her. Some have wives who sleep around, and they're okay with that. It's an interesting subject for sure. A lot of times, people just stay inside their heads and never come out. 

I certainly couldn't blame a man who thought about dressing up and never did it. They simply watch adult films or read erotica and leave it at that. That was their way of expressing it. They might indulge in a little bit of self-pleasure and put it away until the next time they have that desire.

The only time that really makes me sad is when he might truly be happy expressing himself in female clothing sometimes. Or even, he might unlock some deeper desires that lead to transitioning. If he manages to be happy living inside his mind, then that's great. But if he's denying himself happiness, it makes me sad.

It's a big umbrella we have in the transgender community, and nobody's more right than the other person. We're even debating what it means to be transgender. We can't even agree on the idea of whether you need to be diagnosed as gender dysphoric or not. Some people believe you do, and others do not. That's another topic for another day.

All I will say is, "be proud, be you, be happy." Life is too short, and before we know what it's over. If it's something you want to do and you're not hurting anybody, maybe it's worth taking that chance on your own happiness.